


the break up sex is fantastic

by 875857



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-10
Updated: 2012-05-10
Packaged: 2017-11-05 02:49:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/401625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/875857/pseuds/875857
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>modern au | Merlin and Arthur keep finding dealbreakers that should make their relationship impossible. So every time they find one, they decide it's best to break up, and seal the deal with break up sex. But the break up sex is so good that it keeps them together - it creates a pattern.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the break up sex is fantastic

 [](http://tinypic.com?ref=etv2id)

The night starts with a lot of making out and heavy petting to an infomercial for a ‘revolutionary new kitchen appliance’ or something. They were originally watching Iron Man - but thirty minutes in, Merlin is accidentally lying on top of the remote, pinned down by Arthur’s weight and pressing buttons with his bony spine.   
  
Arthur rolls off of Merlin with every intention of getting them to the bed, but somehow they only make it halfway.  
  
There are hardships that all fledgling couples must go through, obstacles they must overcome - Arthur and Merlin are no different.   
  
The first one comes when Arthur has Merlin bent over at his flat. Arthur’s fingers tuck into Merlin, stretching and gently fucking him. They’ve brilliantly managed to rid themselves of shirts, and Merlin is pressed into what might’ve been Arthur’s cold, mahogany desk. No doubt that it’s been warmed by Merlin’s body heat by now.   
  
It’s all a bit of a blur, really - Arthur hasn’t felt anything like it before. He’s never felt the urge to fuck someone so  _strongly_  before. He always makes it to the bed - but apparently, not tonight. He can’t keep his hands off of Merlin, can’t resist the feel of the other’s sharp angles and the way his cock looks heavy against his leg.   
  
It seems that Merlin feels the same way, so Arthur thinks it’s a win-win situation.  
  
And if Merlin accidentally gets a bit of drool on one of his papers, he’s willing to overlook it.   
  
He’ll even call it a sacrifice in the name of art.   
  
Male copulation  _is_  an artform, if that gallery on gay sex he visited a few weeks ago has any worth.  He’d laughed when he was there, Morgana giving him dirty looks - but thinking of it now just makes him even harder. All those  _goddamn_  penises.  Merlin pants underneath him, lets out a low groan every time Arthur’s fingers brush his prostrate.   
  
“Fuck - oh,  _god_ , Arthur. It’s enough, just  _come on_  - “ Merlin pushes back against his fingers. Arthur pulls out his fingers, and groans at the breathy gasp Merlin gives. He shifts back a little, undoes the front of his pants and tugs his cock out of his boxers.   
  
“ _Bossy_ ,” he whispers, leaning down to nibble along the edge of Merlin’s ear. Merlin growls a little beneath him, but does nothing. Arthur grabs the condom from his pants, suddenly thankful he had the foresight to store one in his wallet. He doesn’t know if he can handle leaving Merlin for even a second to get it from the dresser table. He slides it on, fisting his cock a few times before pumping some of the hand lotion he keeps on his desk into his palm. Arthur rubs it onto his cock, liberally spreading it around. He doesn’t want to hurt Merlin.  
  
Pressing his head to Merlin’s entrance, he leans down to murmur filthy words into Merlin’s ear.  
  
“God, you’re so fucking hot,  _Mer_ lin. Can’t fucking  _handle_  it - “  
  
And while he expects to hear Merlin give another one of those lovely breathy moans, or maybe curse or say his name or something - what he doesn’t expect to hear is:  
  
“Is that a  _Kindle_?”   
  
Arthur stops, mind reeling from lust and it takes him longer to comprehend the question than he’d like to admit.  
  
“ _What_?” he asks. Merlin’s arms are folded underneath him, but he wiggles one out to point at Arthur’s Kindle, laying on one of his notebooks and plugged in to a charger dock, “Yeah. It is. Is that really importa-”  
  
Merlin cranes his neck to look at Arthur, but it’s not working so well. With a reluctant sigh, Arthur steps back. Merlin stands upright and crosses his arms and looks Arthur over, “Figures you’re an  _eBook reader._ ”   
  
Merlin says the words ‘ _eBook reader_ ’ like one says ‘ _genital warts_ ’, and Arthur wants to start making intense hand gestures at their cocks and their states of undress because _why is Merlin bringing this up now_?   
  
He asks as such, and Merlin goes on a mild rant about pledging to read the printed word and whatnot - it dawns on Arthur, and he gives Merlin his best ‘ _are you fucking serious_ ’ expression.  
  
“You’re one of those elitist anti-eBook people, then?”  
  
Merlin sputters, “And you’re a - “  
  
“This is probably a dealbreaker, isn’t it?” he laughs, not really in the mood for fighting. Merlin scoffs at him and crosses his arms.   
  
“Probably.”   
  
“Can we have break up sex, then?”   
  
He gives Merlin a  _look_ , and then another  _look_  down at Merlin’s still hard cock, and then one more _look_  at Arthur’s pristinely made and incredibly tempting bed. Merlin follows the looks and swallows once. He uncrosses his arms.  
  
“ _Well_ , if this is the last time we’ll ever be doing this...”

 

 

 

 

 

*

It is definitely  _not_  the last time.  
  
In fact, there are several times after that. More than either of them can count.   
  
Every time they find a deal breaker, every time they find a reason. And some of them are stupid reasons. Actually - no. Most of them are stupid.  
  
Merlin and Arthur both being used to sleeping on the left side of the bed. Merlin likes to read late into the night while Arthur needs complete darkness to sleep. Arthur’s glorified hatred of Justin Bieber. The fact that Arthur brushes his teeth  _in the goddamn shower_  - because who even does that? Merlin would like to know, and Arthur would like to know why it's such a big fucking deal. Merlin eats in Arthur’s car. Arthur owns and occasionally  _wears_  a sweater vest.   
  
And a few of them might actually be a bit more serious.  
  
Like Merlin being a vegetarian, and Arthur loving a good, rare steak. Or Arthur being incredibly invested in topping during sex to ‘ _reaffirm his masculinity_ ’, as Merlin puts it.  
  
But the lure of break up sex seems to keep bringing them back together, if not for one more dealbreaker and another night in each other’s beds - fucked, pliant, and sated.  
  
Merlin and Arthur - who meet through mutual friends, find that they’ve got almost  _nothing_  in common. In fact, it’s a rather amazing night when they realize that they’ve just agreed that J.J. Abrams has a torrid, hot love affair with lens flare. They proceed to make out in celebration, and the sex that comes afterwards? Arthur has to admit is almost as good as their break up sex.  
  
And there are times when they seem to just  _get_  each other, and though they mutually agree that had they met in highschool, they would have probably tried to beat the shit out of each other - they might've been really good friends.  They're more than just friends now, boyfriends of two months at least, they know this - but it's still something that Arthur likes to lord over Merlin's head whenever he sees the highschool pictures of a lanky and not-quite-done-growing Merlin with glasses.  Merlin will also, under heavy scrutiny, admit that even if he says that he's only with Arthur because their sex is amazing and Arthur is  _gorgeous_  if not a total  _prat_  - he thinks that Arthur is a great guy. Of course, never to Arthur's face. God no.   
  
Because Arthur has the tendency to do spontaneously  _sweet_  things, like buy Merlin more soymilk before he runs out - even going so far to remember Merlin's preferred brand. Or maybe texting Merlin during a movie with hilarious comments that nearly make Icee come out of Merlin's nose.  And Merlin is probably the  _only_  person that understands the subtle shifts of Arthur's moods. Merlin can  _read him like an open book_ , and while at first, Arthur thinks that's terrifying, he's learned that it is a blessing as well. Because Merlin knows how to give an amazing shoulder rub - and is quite liberal with full body massages.   
  
Not to mention they laugh at each others jokes, no matter how lame or ridiculous - and that's something that Arthur really appreciates.   
  
Regardless of the big dealbreakers that seem to loom over them with words like _'CAN'T WORK'_ ,  _'WON'T WORK'_ , theirs is a relationship that seems to be able to hold on.  


 

 

 

  


*

 

“Oh my  _god_ . I hate how you’re a morning person. If I had known that you getting up at ungodly hours of the day to go running in the cold was part of this relationship crap, I wouldn’t have gone for it.  _I should’ve fucking known._ ” Merlin peeks out from under the warm duvets, blue eyes mostly shut as he glares at Arthur. Arthur just snorts as he pulls on his sweat pants and t-shirt for his morning jog.  
  
“Another dealbreaker?”   
  
“Definitely.” Merlin sniffs, pulling the covers back over his face and rolling into a ball.   
  
Arthur throws a balled up sock at him with a laugh. He ties his shoes and reaches over Merlin to grab his iPod on the dresser table. Merlin uncurls from his ball, poking his head out and blearily looks at Arthur. Arthur can’t help but grin, leaning in to peck Merlin on the lips, and then makes a face.  
  
“Oh, morning breath. Brush your teeth before I get back for our break up sex, alright?”  
  
Merlin snakes a hand out from under the blankets to flip him off with a grumble, and Arthur laughs as he stands and heads to the door. 

 

 

 

*  
  
“I think we’re running out of things to complain about. About each other, I mean.” Arthur states one evening, before bringing a forkful of the vegetarian lasagna (a recipe Merlin goaded Arthur to try, and has consequently become one of his favorites, damn it) to his mouth.   
  
Merlin sips his cup of white grape juice and quirks a brow, “What?”   
  
Arthur just sets down the fork and gestures to the both of them.  
  
“We have a...  _pattern_ .”  
  
“A  _pattern_ ,” Merlin repeats, reaching over to steal a bit of Arthur’s lasagna after having finished his own. He sounds like he’s humoring Arthur, and Arthur feebly tries to stop Merlin from stealing his food.   
  
It happens anyway.   
  
“Yeah. You know, we - there’s more lasagna on the  _stove_ ! Stop stealing mine, you gluttonous thief! - we find things that we absolutely  _loathe_  about each other and then we complain - “  
  
“I’m sure I can think of a couple things about you to complain about if it’s bothering you  _that_  much,” says Merlin, taking up his cup again if only to hide the grin growing on his face. Arthur scowls, feeling foolish.   
  
“I meant like  _dealbreakers_ ,” Merlin continues to stare at him, “Like, with me being a morning person,” Arthur finds himself staying in bed later than he means to on some days. “- and you being a vegetarian,” they’ve worked out a compromise, all of Arthur’s meat stays in a designated corner of the fridge, and Merlin will stop sneaking soy milk into his coffee. “ - and my kindle,” Merlin promised not to snap it in half. “ - and - “   
  
Merlin holds up a hand, gesturing for Arthur to shut up.  
  
Arthur does.   
  
Merlin stares at Arthur for a good minute or so, before setting down his fork and lacing his fingers.   
  
“You’re complaining about the fact that we don’t complain about each other as much anymore?”  
  
Arthur shakes his head, “No, I mean. We haven’t had any dealbreakers lately.”  
  
“Isn’t that a  _good_  thing?” says Merlin.“Well, yeah but - what about. Our,  _you know_  - “ Merlin’s brow cocks again, and damn it, he’s probably learned it from Gaius.   
  
“Our what?”  
  
Arthur sighs in exasperation, cheeks red and definitely a little embarrassed.   
  
“You know. Our  _break up sex_.”  
  
Merlin stares again - and Arthur is incredibly uncomfortable for a few moments before Merlin bursts out laughing.   
  
“Let me get this straight, because I’m not sure if I’m understanding you completely. You’re concerned that our sex won’t be as good. Because we're not about to break up.”  
  
“... yeah.”  
  
“Oh my god, you’re an  _idiot_.”   
  
Merlin leans over the table and tugs him forward by his shirt and presses their lips together. Arthur ‘ _mmphfs_ ’ at the sudden motion, one hand instantly going to cup Merlin’s face. Merlin’s nose pokes his cheekbone, due to their awkward positioning - and Arthur wants to pull back and defend himself against that  _'idiot'_  comment. Merlin beats him to the punch, leaning back just enough to press their foreheads together. Arthur finds his eyes irrevocably drawn to Merlin’s lips.  
  
Merlin gives a little huff of laughter.   
  
“I don’t think you should worry about our ‘ _positively happy couple sex_ ’ being not as good as our ‘ _break up sex_ ’. And if you actually do find it not  _"meeting your standards"_ , go ahead and tell me and I’ll do everything in my power to make it not so. You know how I like to  _compromise_.”   
  
Merlin leans forward again and kisses Arthur - gentle this time, mostly just smiling against him. He playfully flicks tongue against Arthur’s bottom lip. It looks like Merlin is about to pull back, when Arthur catches Merlin’s upper lip in his own mouth and sucks lightly. Merlin sighs and moves a hand to thread into the hair at the nape of Arthur's neck.  
  
Somewhere along the line, maybe they’ll both realize that it was never really the break up sex keeping them together. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> for the [kink meme prompt](http://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/31491.html?thread=31384835#t31384835). just a oneshot. mildly cleaned up but I should be sleeping so maybe I'll look over for _actual_ mistakes later.
> 
>  
> 
> **LOOKING FOR A BETA. HEY GUYS. IF ANYONE'S INTERESTED, GO AHEAD AND EMAIL ME AT 875857@gmail.com**


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